For Will's 1st birthday we had a party at the park and it happened to be really windy out. He was one of those babies whose breath gets taken away by the wind. It was still happening. He was so uncomfortable with that wind on his birthday. It was also kind of too cold yet in April for an outside birthday party, so we moved it back to our house. Opening presents he had no interest in. He could have cared less about the wrapping paper excitement. The toys: Forget about it. The kid had yet to show interest in any kind of toy... other than baby books. He did eat the cake and that was cute.
My sister had a new baby in March of that year. How exciting that our kids were going to be able to play with each other and grow up together I thought! In December Mick and I decided it would work out financially for me to quit my job in order to stay home and save money we were spending on childcare. Money was tight, but I didn't really care. I would give things up. I was just so happy to be able to spend all this time with my kids. It was a dream! Mick's mother was a stay-at-home mom and I think that made a big difference in his acceptance of me not working.
My mom spent the majority of our childhood working and how badly I wanted to spend time with her back then. I loathed going to the babysitter. No one understood me there. My mom was burnt-out between work, housework, and three kids and I could feel that as a child. It still has a profound effect on me to this day. I understand that my family needed money and I have no bad feelings to my parents for this. We really wanted for naught and were able to experience some great things. I also do not judge working mothers in any way. We are all doing the best we can out here trying to survive and be happy. There are many days now that I wish I could go to work. I don't doubt that I'll be working again when the kids are in school. The world we live in is all about money, money, money. Always need money. Need to have a house, need to have a car, need food, need vacations from all the work.
Because of the fact that I was staying home now I offered to my sister to watch my baby nephew while she was at work. It would be perfect. Will was between 14 and 15 months at this time... And this is where my eyes were open to the fact that Will wasn't developing normally and something was really bothering him.
He still had no words. He still wasn't yet walking. He seemed to be getting more upset by things like the wind, loud noises, gas, constipation. My nephew was a little over a newborn and I had him over a few days a week. He was just a baby with regular baby things going on. For a few days it was nice, but then Will started to be really bothered by the baby's crying. I had Will screaming and hanging on my leg and a baby crying in my arms. It's an experience many mothers have had at some point, but it was really hard for me. I couldn't have these two babies crying and screaming at me nearly all day. It was really awful. Colin was also there and my niece who was around 6 then. Those two were easy as pie compared to this screaming and crying situation I was in. It was too much. I didn't know what Will was so upset about, but he absolutely could not stand the sound of the baby crying. Both of them ended up spending too much time alone in their cribs at different times and I was guilt-ridden. It was a hard time.
I had to break the news to my sister that I couldn't do this. This is the first time I admitted, in tears, "I think there's something wrong with Will." My sister was mad at me. I had made all these promises and had all these dreams of how it was going to be like the old days when people helped their families out and cousins grew up together. I guess she didn't really understand what it was like with the dueling screaming and crying I was dealing with all day; not to mention the bigger kids were on their own playing video games the majority of the day because I couldn't keep them in-line very easily. My sister got over it quickly, though, and no harm done. She made alternate arrangements for my nephew, but my niece got to stay and entertain Colin and that was good. But how sad I feel missing out on this time with my nephew. It really does hurt.
CRYING BABY ALERT: Crying babies had become a common issue. If we went to a restaurant, I would search for any babies and sit as far from them as possible. How tragic! I love babies! I loved taking the kids to the storytime at the library for babies. Will lost it a couple times and I thought, I'm never doing this again. This isn't worth it. Later down the road when Will started up with Early Intervention services, I had mentioned how hard storytime was and they recommended I make it a goal for Will to be able to tolerate storytime. Great! Sounds like torture.
Around the 4th of July Will finally started walking. He was 15 months. We were so happy for him. Maybe he would cheer up a little now. He was becoming more and more aggitated by the world around him. Later I was to learn about a monster called sensory processing disorder. I'll talk about that in a future post. But the walking thing was great! He was unsteady and walked around like a drunken sailor, but he just started, so no big deal.
It was during Will's 15-month checkup with the pediatrician where they have you fill out the developmental questionnaire and pretty much every category had "not met yet" for various developments. This is where our new life for Will begins. Stay tuned!
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